Friday, July 6, 2007

Fried Chicken Report Teaser

Helloooo fried chicken fans of LA, or I mean, people who wish they could find fried chicken goodness in LA. The rumored illustrious Fried Chicken Report is coming to a fobloog near you, but not until next week (or the week after). THIS is your Fried Chicken Report Teaser.

My friend Joe B., and are you sitting down, confessed that years ago he had the pleasure of visiting the Kentucky Fried Chicken factory... in Kentucky! In my imagination it's only a mystical palace where urban legend says they grow chicken parts electronically without brains, not a bona fide stop on the Kentucky chicken trail. So this was very exciting.

Joe has been kind enough to let me conduct this fooblog's first man-on-the-street interview, even though at the time Joe was NOT on the street but in a car. Here we go... (p.s. I am the interviewer)

Interviewer - Joe, you've gotta tell us, how did you decide to make this momentous trip to the birthplace of KFC.

Joe - Well Marly seriously there was nothing else to do in Kentucky after the Derby and I gave up Bourbon in grad school.

Interviewer - Ah, gotcha. Hey can we talk in a southern accent now? For authenticity, as if you're still in Kentucky??

Joe - Yeah sure.

Interviewer - So when yooo went to visit KFC, what was the price to get in? Is it as muCH as Dis-knee-land?

Joe - It's free y'all, and at the end there they handed out some BOGO* cyu-pons. (*BOGO = retail term for "buy one get one free", ie. buy one drumstick get one free)

Interviewer - All right! Now I've visited the Ben & Jerry's factory up there in Yankee territory in Vermin, I mean, Vermont, and at the end of the factory toe-er they gave out tiny little cups o' ahs cream. Well were there any fried chickin samples handed out at the KFC? Popkern chickin 'n stuff? Boy do I love that crap.

Joe - No as I said beforah, just them there BOGO cyu-pons. But the chickin isn't my fave-rit so the cyu-pons EXpired.

Interviewer - Well Jiminy Cricket. So during the toe-er, did you meet the Cuh-nul?

Joe - (pause) What did you say? Did you mean the Colonel? (why did I agree to do this?)

Interviewer - Speak in the accent please!

Joe - (sigh) The Cuh-nul's dead y'all.

Interviewer - Aw shucks. Well that's a darn shame. Let's tawk 'bout them 11 herbs & spices, is that a lie that'll make Roy Rogers roll over in his guh-rave or ta-rue fact?

Joe - Sure so you think they just hand that information out for free...

Interviewer - Oh come on now, don't hold out ... I think the 11 herbs & spices must have some crehck'd peppa in theyer, some pap-rick-a, must'ed pow-der maybe...

Joe - Okay this interview's over.

Interviewer - Bye! Thank you! Take some sweet tea for the road?

(And scene...)

Stay tuned for the real Fried Chicken Report, without any unnecessary stalling, soon to appear in this very place.

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